Very bad news

I was very tired last night and slept late this morning. I got woken up by a call from the hospital. They have decided that Oldest Brother can't have a biopsy because his condition is too poor. But they found malignant cells in the fluid they removed from his abdomen. So they figure he has pancreatic cancer.

They don't think that in his condition he could stand chemotherapy. So there's nothing to be done but palliative care. They are going to keep him comfortable, either in the hospital or the nursing home or hospice, but its a matter of weeks or months at best.

I have talked to the Kid, she convinced me that I had to tell him, that if he understood what I was saying, he deserved to know, and if he didn't understand, no problem. So I ewnt to the hospital and talked to him, I don't know how much he understood.

Then I came over to mashfanficchick's and she called Dani and told her, we are still going to take our trip to Ohio, just be ready to come back at a moments notice if it's necessary.

I called Cousin John and Denise and told them, and asked them to tell the rest of the family. So far I've heard from Linda and Laurie.

Then we watched Will Trent, and then 911 and then Dr. Odyssey, and then more Will Trent. I called Middle Brother but did not tell him yet. I am going to call his group home and talk to them about it tomorrow, then talk to him Sunday.

I don't know what else to say. I feel... bleak. I expected this but it's still a blow when it comes.

Even so I will write a Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. mashfanficchick

3. My family.

4. The Kid.

5. Middle Brother is fine.

6. TV taking my mind off things.