Oldest Brother died today.

mashfanficchick and I went to Manhattan to the funeral home, and sat with Robyn and I did all the paperwork, and planning of what was going to happen. And I signed everything, and paid by credit card, and we were ready to go. And I asked to use the ladies room, and Robyn showed me where it was.

And I did what I needed to do, and pulled up my pants, and flushed, and reached for the sink faucets to wash my hands, and my phone rang, and it was the nursing home.

And they told me he was gone, and I started shaking. Just trembling all over. And then mashfanficchick was knocking at the door, because the nursing home called the funeral home and ze already knew.

So I washed my hands, and we went back upstairs, and I called the Kid, and told her, and called Middle Brother's group home, and told them and then Middle Brother. Also called John who didn't pick up, so I called Denise and told her, and she said they would call the rest of the cousins.

And we did more paperwork I think, I don't even remember. Finally we did get ready to go. mashfanficchick and I both needed food so Robyn told us what was in the area and I decided on the Greek place.

We went there and I had a lamb gyro. After that we went to Starbucks across the street, and had drinks. And then we decided that I was going to go to my meeting tonight cause I need a meeting. So we took the bus from there to the Bronx.

RK called mashfanficchick and asked if he could help and ze arranged to have him pick us up after my meeting, and drive us to my place so I could feed Oreo and Christie, and then take us to zer place.

I went to my meeting, and it was good to be there. Jon R called just before, and said he and Eva and possibly Jon jr are coming to the serice. And he said he'd call Cliff and have him call me.

So after the meeting, L waited with me til mashfanficchick and RK got there, and picked me up. We went to Carvel. While I was there, Cliff called.

I talked to him, and had strawberry ice cream. RK drove us to my place, and I fed the pets, and packed for three day. Then we came back to mashfanficchiick's place, and I Teamed the FWiB.

Tomorrow, I'm going to my meeting in the morning, that's all I know for certain.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. mashfanficchick.

3. RK.

4. My family.

5. My meetings and the people there.

6. The end wasn't long and drawn out miserably.

They called from the nursing home today, and called, and called. Starting by filling me in on his condition, and wanting me to authorize discontinuing feeding. Because he's starting to shut down and that's it. So after the hospice nurse said it would be the right thing to do, I agreed. So the end will be pretty soon now.

I called the Kid and we had a conversation about it. She's pretty broken up. We also made plans for celebrating Mother's Day later, and her birthday.

I went to see Oldest Brother today, and he was pretty bad, didn't respond at all to me. I stayed for half an hour, that was all I could take.

Then I went to see mashfanficchick. While I was there I called the funeral home and did some paperwork over the phone. I have an appointment Friday to go in and sign papers.

Then we watched the Mets game, and that went very well. We won 7 -1 and I felt a little more cheerful.

My psychiatrist called and that was a good thing.

We went out and had dinner after that, poke, from Kiss Fish. We walked there, and then took the food to the park and ate. Then we went back by bus and had ice cream at Baskin and Robbins. Then I took the bus home.

Got here and Teamed the FWiB. And after we finished talking, I went through my electronics and found a flash drive that I could put the mp3s of Sing of the Sea on, to have mashfanficchick's friend Tess put it on cd. And then I can give the cd to Middle Brother and that will be done!

Getting late now. Tomorrow I have my initial consultation with the surgeon abut my cataract surgery.

I didn't go to my D&D game tonight, and since two other people weren't going, they canceled it so I didn't miss anything But I just didn't feel up to it tonight.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. mashfanficchick

3. The Kid.

4. The kindness of people.

5. Getting that cd burned.

6. Bed soon.

I got up at 10:30 and had breakfast and coffee, and showered and dressed, and then just before 12:00 set off to my doctor's appointment.

It is a long trip, and it was raining. Took the 44 to Union Tpk, and then the 46 from there. It's the 46 that's a long trip. Then there's the walk up Marcus Ave to the medical building. which isn't a bad walk if it's nice out, but it was raining fairly heavily. I did have my umbrella.

I made it there the expected 15 minutes early, and checked in. Not a long wait, thankfully, and I saw him fairly quickly. Nothing much new, my weight of course is up rather badly, and I have to watch that closely.

My blood test results were all good except my AC1 which is unchanged at least, though still higher than it should be, and my triglycerides. So I really have to watch what I eat from now on.

So I go back in three months, in August, and do blood tests again before then.

Anyway after that I headed home. I called mashfanficchick from the bus, because it had been our plan that I would take the 46 straight up to Queens Blvd and go to zer place, but ze wasn't feeling good, and so I just went home.

Got home, and the Ventures Telstar and The Lonely Bull had arrived, which I ordered for Middle Brother, but somehow I ordered the vinyl instead of a CD. I will give it to the Kid because she's the only person I know with a record player.

Anyway, I looked in ebay and found a cd of it and another Ventures LP, for a reasonable price, so I ordered that.

Puttered around online for a bit, made something for lunch, then went to the bedroom and played solitaire on the phone. Finally at 7"00 the FWiB and I attemped to Team. It was a struggle, not as bad as yesterday, but what gives? I think it's his computer.

Anyway we were talking when the Kid called (I had left her a message). She was just back from the wedding she went to in Maine, by Amtrak, and had no keys to her apartment. Her boyfriend, whi was coming in from South Carolina by plane, had the keys, and his flight was delayed.

So we arranged I would take the bus to Flushing and meet her there and give her my set of her keys. So that's what we did, no snags. The rain had died down considerably.

Came back home, made dinner, and then went to the bedroom again til pet feeding time.

And then I started here and here I am.

Gratitude list:

1. The FWiB.

2. The report on my bloods was good.

3. Didn't get too badly wet.

4. The Kid is home safe.

5. Made a gyn appointment while I was there.

6. The Agatha Christie I'm reading.

Had my Al-anon group anniversary today. Was very enjoyable. I won two items in the raffle.

Then went to the diner. Took the bus home.

Met mashfanficchick and Mandy. Went to Qdoba and got salsa and chips while they ate lunch.

Then went to the movie The Thunderbolts. Enjoyed it a great deal.

Went back to mashfanficchick's, watched Deadpool and Wolverine.

Ubered home.

Bed now.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. My meetings and the people at them.

3. Friends.

4. Got a text from the Kid.

5. Good movies.

6. Bed now.

Got up at 10:00 and did a Shipt order after breakfast and coffee.

After the Shipt order was delivered, I tried to figure out how to convert the mp3 I have of the Clancy Brothers Sing of the Sea into an audio cd. And I think, maybe, I have done it, though it took several hours and a lot of research and fiddling. I don't know for sure and I won't know until I try and play it on a regular cd player.

And I don't have a cd player, so of course I ordered one (cheap) from Amazon. It will be delivered Tuesday.

I took a shower and washed my hair.

Finally at 6:30ish I headed over to mashfanficchick's place to meet zer for our TV night.

We watched 911 at 8:00, Dr. Odyssey at 9:00, and the Tuesday episode of Will Trent at 10:00. We ordered Thai for dinner, and had that during Will Trent.

Mandy had been seeing a show but arrived after Will Trent and we hung out for awhile, but eventually I Ubered home.

Fed the pets, and here I am.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB, though we didn't get to talk.

2. Shipt.

3. I THINK I got that cd for Middle Brother made.

4. Nice weather for traveling.

5. Good TV.

6. Good dinner.

Got to bed last night at 3:00. At 4:00 someone was buzzing my doorbell. Woke me up, took me some time to get back to sleep.

I had the alarm set for 10:00 but I stayed in bed til 11:00. Then I had to rush to get ready because John and Denise were picking up Middle Brother at 11:00 and figured about an hour to get to me. So I rushed breakfast and coffee, and my shower, and got ready with abut 15 minutes to spare before they got here.

Middle Brother looks very good. He was happy to see me. We went to the diner for lunch before going to see Oldest Brother. Middle Brother had his usual. I had a breakfast sandwich.

When we got to the nursing home, Oldest Brother was sitting up in a chair. They said they are trying to get him up for four hours every other day.

We visited for about an hour and a half, and he was pretty good. Started to get drowsy toward the end so we left.

John and Denise brought me home and then took Middle Brother back. I did some fiddling around with a couple of old photos that I had told them about. Then I just puttered online, and also played solitaire on my phone, until 7:00 when I finally got to Skype the FWiB.

We talked til 8:00 when I had my Al-anon meeting. It was very small, and again M didn't come. I hope she's OK, I should call and check.

After the meeting I had some food, and then went to the bedroom and played solitaire until pet feeding time.

And now I'm going to finish up and go to bed.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. John and Denise.

3. Heard from Cousin Cliff.

4. Oldest Brother seems OK.

5. Middle Brother got to see Oldest Brother.

6. Bed soon.

I got up at 11-ish today, breakfasted and coffeed, showered and dressed. Cousin Nancy got held up by bad traffic, instead of getting here at 1:00, she was here at a little past 3:00. I played Bookworm while I was waiting, which killed the time admirably.

We went to visit Oldest Brother, and he was pleased to see us. We stayed for several hours, then went to the diner where we met up with mashfanficchick, and John and Denise. We had food, and talked for a long time.

Then Nancy went back home, and since John and Denise weren't going to see oldest Brother, I went back with mashfanficchick to zer place to hang with zer and Mandy, who is in for a week's vacation. I called Middle Brother while I was there, he went to Sunkin Meadow for a walk on the boardwalk on Friday.

We hung out for a few hours, ordered food, I got dessert, chocolate cheesecake. Then eventually I Ubered home.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB, didn't get to Skype though.

2. Family.

3. Friends.

4. Oldest Brother seems to enjoy the visits.

5. Middle brother well.

6. Bed soon.

I woke up at 10:00 with the alarm but didn't manage to get out of bed til 12:00. Then I breakfasted, coffeed, showered, and dressed. Then I called Middle Brother's group home and told them that John and Denise were picking him up on Tuesday to take him to see Oldest Brother. And then I went to the nursing home to see Oldest Brother.

I met John and Denise there. It was wonderful to see them and we had a lovely visit. Even better, John Ivon called John while they were there, and got to talk to Oldest Brother, this is especially important as John Ivon is himself in ICU in Montana. He told John he would call if he felt up to it and apparently he did.

So I stayed a while longer after John and Denise left. He was kind of worn out by then so I didn't stay long.

I went home and called the Kid and discussed tomorrow with her. She and her boyfriend will be joining us around 1-ish tomorrow but have to leave because they have movie tickets for 5.

I puttered around til 5:15 when I went into the Bronx for my meeting. I had pizza first, as usual. It was the first Friday meeting I'd made for two weeks, so it was nice to be back.

I called Middle Brother and told him about Tuesday. He was happy about that/

I got a Facebook message from Eva Rice, she and her father Jonathan are coming in on Wednesday, which is when I have my mammogram, but unlike the pcp, which I had on Tuesday and rescheduled, the mammogram is just in Flushing, and shouldn't be a problem.

After my meeting I got a ride to the bus from K. Then when I got home I Skyped the FWiB, or rather, used teams.

Then I fed the pets, and had mashfanficchick call me to discuss tomorrow. Chances are good ze will be joining us.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. Oldest Brother got to talk to John Ivon.

3. John and Denise.

4. My meetings and the people there.

5. My family in general.

6. Middle Brother getting to see Oldest Brother.

And he wasn't doing well. I slept until after 12:00, then got up and had breakfast and coffee, and showered and dressed, and went over to the nursing home.

He was very sleepy and not very responsive. I don't think that there is going to be a lot of time to wait for the end. I'm not sure how I should feel about that.

I Facebook messaged Cousin Cliff to ask if he thought he would be able to come and do the funeral service. No answer so far.

I put in a Shipt order, and waited for it, then after it arrived I put it away and went and lay down in the bedroom and played solitaire.

At 7:00 I Skyped the FWiB, but actually for the first time I didn't use Skype, I used Teams. It worked very well.

We talked until 8:00 when I went to my D&D game. We fought skums again.

Then I fed the pets and made dinner. I ate, and then called mashfanficchick. Ze is probably coming over tomorrow to help me with the Christmas tree.

And then I started here. Bed now.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB.

2. My D&D group.

3. Oldest Brother is comfortable.

4. Shipt.

5. Jelly beans.

6. Bed soon.

Got up latish, got phone calls from the hospice people, Oldest Brother officially started hospice today and I had some decisions to make. I hope I chose well.

Showered and dressed, and we went out to run errands. Started by lunch at an Indian restaurant, got the lamb curry lunch special and a mango lassi.

Then we went to Trader Joes and did major shopping. Then we took the bus to Stop and Shop and did more major shopping.

mashfanficchick asked me to stay another night so we can start early tomorrow, and get the Very Last Boxes out of the house and to the storage unit with the driving help of zer friend Liz G. And I agreed, so I'm staying tonight.

Got back to zer place from Stop and Shop, stopping at Starbucks on the way, and heard from RK that he was available to help tonight getting stuff from the house that isn't going into the storage unit. We took his car over, and got the stuff back here. One big box broke open on it's way in, but RK picked it up.

Then we went out to California Pizza Kitchen and got take out. I got the Wild Mushroom pizza. WE went to RK's place, and after we ate we played a game of Dominion. RK won, I lost rather badly, but I am beginning to understand how the game works.

Then he drove us back here, and soon it will be bed time.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB, even though we didn't get to Skype.

2. Oldest Brother in hospice care.

3. Dried apple slices.

4. The Kid has a job interview.

5. RK.

6. Friends.