Spent the day packing

[silver_chipmunk]

With Oldest Brother. Got a good bit done. Went out to pick up my laundry and had dinner.

On reflection I think I should give some information about the FWiB that I haven't before, in order to explain how I know what's going on and what might be going to happen now.

So (deep breath), he's married. That's why we could never be anything more than what we were, friends with benefits, because he made it plain he would never leave his wife. But she had told him some years before we became lovers, that she was no longer interested in sex. At all. And he said he couldn't live like a monk, and she agreed, as long as he didn't shove an affair in her face. But he couldn't find anyone for a long time. So when my husband left me, we'd always been a little attracted to each other, he made his proposition and I accepted.

So that's the story. His wife knows about me and she's OK with me, we're not exactly friends or anything but we get along. And when he isn't up to communicating with me now because of the drinking, I ask her what's going on and she has been good about keeping me in the loop. So the situation now is that it's been suggested to her by others that she could have him declared incompetent and force him into rehab. I think she's thinking about it because she doesn't know what else to do. She's left their home and gone to her brother.

So that's the story as it stands. Please don't hate me for having an affair with a married man, I was never a threat to the marriage, I was a safety valve.

I don't know what I think about the idea of forcing him, I don't think it would do any good in the long run, but I don't see any other way to proceed except sit back and let him drink himself to death. Which no one wants.

I hope I haven't shocked anyone unduly, and that no one thinks any less of me.

In other news, back to work tomorrow, blerg.

Gratitude List:

1. The FWiB's wife, for putting up with me.

2. Oldest Brother.

3. Packing coming along.

4. The FWiB.

5. My fan.

6. Clean laundry.

Comments

[provencepuss.livejournal.com]

why would anyone 'hate' you for having an affair with a married man. It's obvious that you weren't a threat to the marriage and as you say, a safety valve' (as so many mistresses/lovers are). I'm not shocked - far from it, I admire you for putting all that in words. I don't know how I'd feel in your place -but I kow it would be hard whatever the situation. It's obvious that both you and his wife has his best interests at heart...I'd go with her decision and get him into rehab forcibly. If he gets out, the you will both know that it is his decision to drink himself to death and there is nothing either of you can do - but at least you can both try.

big hugs. Stay strong. All this as we approach yet another 11th September - a day I know hurts for you - so stay strong and concentrate on the good things, like starting over in your new apartment.

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm working on staying strong, thanks.

I think you're right about forcing him into rehab, but it looks as though she isn't going to try. I don't know, there's really no influence I can bear in this. I just want to keep in touch with him as long as possible, and pray for a miracle.

[wightfaerie.livejournal.com]

No one should hate you for having a life. We only have one. Enjoy it any way you can, I say. I would have have run a mile if the married man I had an affair with had left his wife-lol. People who condemn a friend's actions are not friends and you don't need them in your life. Neither do you need to explain yourself to others. I agree with PP, get him into rehab and go from there. Hope things improve, and that your new apartment is a new start, for all of you.

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I appreciate the support. I wish we could get him into a rehab, but I don't think there's any way short of forcing him and it now looks as though she won't try that. *sigh* I have no idea what's going to happen.

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

Nah, no worries. If anything, I think I respect you more for having come out and explained.

As I think you know, I'm a huge fan of Dan Savage and this is exactly the sort of arrangement he suggests for those in a sexless marriage.

I'm worried for the FWiB though, as it sounds to me like alcoholism has him in such a firm grip he can't break free. Involuntary confinement may be the only thing that will prevent him from drinking himself to death but I'd hate to be the one to have to make that decision.

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he's a big fan of Dan Savage too. It was working fine until all this stuff happened and he had to move out there...

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

I think I figured that was the deal. I'm sorry he's having such a hard time. (((hugs)))

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I appreciate the support. (hugs) back atcha'.

[oasis3017.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you and hoping for a good ending. *Hugs*

[silver-chipmunk.livejournal.com]

Thanks, but I don't think there can be a good outcome any more for this. *sigh*